The fifth installment of the 7 Spins on 7 Sins series features the sin of Gluttony. This sin can be best described as the overwhelming desire to consume more than that which one requires. It's overindulgence to the point of waste. It's about wanting to not only fill our stomachs but our lives with excess and still wanting more. It is selfishness made flesh. I am so thrilled to have Rose Lockinger share her experience and her take on this sin. She writes with openness and clarity into her understanding of Gluttony. I want to thank Rose for being a part of this series! - PS
The original meaning of the word "sin" was to error, or miss the mark. Nothing more and nothing less. It simply meant a flaw in which the level of perfection that was being sought was missed. We all sin pretty much every day. It is part of being human and it is in our errors which we find that we need God, in order to help direct us towards a better life and a better self.
Though to sin just means to miss the mark, there are times when the sinful action can lead to horrendously disastrous results, such was the case with my consumption of alcohol, drugs, and food to cover the feelings up. Addiction in any form is all-consuming, cunning, baffling, and powerful, easily taking over once it has established itself.
Gluttony or self indulgence is something that I have been well acquainted with for most of my life. In fact, my first foray into addictive behaviors was with my eating disorder when I was just 13 years old. It started out rather innocently, with overeating and making myself throw up once a day. At the age of 13 I wasn’t aware that this was not a healthy behavior and I only saw the positive effects in my life. By overeating and throwing up, I was able to find some semblance of control in my life, when I felt that everything else was out of control, and I was also able to control my weight, which I began to become transfixed by.
By the end of the first year of my eating disorder I was throwing up 13 times a day. I don’t think I need to tell you how much of a toll that can take on the body and my mental and physical health really started to decline.
Around this time I also started to abuse the Adderall that was prescribed to me for my ADHD. I not only found that the Adderall made me feel good, but I also found that it suppressed my appetite, and so it was a win-win all around...or so I thought.
See the thing with gluttony is that it never really ends well. Even though at the time it may seem like we aren’t hurting anything by just overindulging a bit, for someone like myself who suffers from the disease of addiction and an eating disorder, gluttony in any form becomes an obsession that I cannot control.
This was the case with both my addiction and my food. The dramatic jump from throwing up just one time a day to 13 times a day in a year should have showed me that something was not right. That I was incapable of controlling of these actions, but I just wasn’t ready to see that yet.
When I was 17 years old I was sent to my first treatment center for my eating disorder. I learned a lot while I was there and I really wanted to change the way that I was living. I no longer wanted food to rule my life, and when I got out I really tried my best for a bit. But my disease was of the kind that I have cannot be combated by sheer willpower alone and I was not yet ready to concede to the idea that there was something great out there among the stars that could possibly help me in my fight.
I didn’t want to talk about God. I didn’t really want anything to do with him at the time, because the only reference point that I had was the childhood God that I grew up with one who I could only see as a punishing God. A God, who had allowed me to be sexually abused as a child, and so to say that he and I were not really on speaking terms is an understatement.
So I tried my best to battle my addiction on my own and in a short period of time I wound up back in the same predicament, drinking, using drugs, and binging and purging.
I followed this path for the next 10 or so years. I started a family, had 2 children, and all the while I was unable to stop using and eating in the manner I had grown accustomed to. That was until almost 3 years ago, when I finally was able to surrender and I entered into treatment yet again.
I spent almost 6 months in treatment, and I am so grateful for the amount of time I was able to stay. It gave me the ability to really work on myself and rebuild a relationship with God, a God that I could relate to and that could help me with my obsession and compulsions.
I started to work the Steps and got involved in Alcoholics Anonymous and started to deal with my eating disorder as well. I found out that there was no human power that would be able to alleviate these problems for me and that I would have to seek a power greater than myself in order to be free from them. This brought me some semblance of peace because I always wondered why I couldn’t just stop. It always baffled me when I returned to the drink, drug, or food, and it always made me feel like a terrible person.
After I got sober I found that indulging in sin didn’t mean that I was unlovable, or that I was a bad person, it just meant that I didn’t have the power to battle these flaws on my own. I am only human and in being only human I am only capable of doing what I can. In my own case this means that I have a spiritual malady which results in my an insatiable desire to fill an emptiness inside of me with anything, and that only through a spiritual experience can I be rid of it.
I am pleased to say that today I do not drink, I do not use drugs, and I try my best to stay on my eating program. I have found peace in my life today and I am no longer bogged down by my insatiable need to fill the black hole that rested squarely in my soul for most my life. I have been released and it is amazing.
Rose Lockinger is a passionate member of the recovery community. A rebel who found her cause, she uses blogging and social media to raise the awareness about the disease of addiction. She has visited all over North and South America. Single mom to two beautiful children she has learned parenting is without a doubt the most rewarding job in the world. Currently the Outreach Director at Stodzy Internet Marketing.